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P.S.
Usually people listen to music to fall asleep. But me? Imade up stories in my mind to pass my time or sleep soundly at night. Since I'm tired and bored just listening to myself I decided to let out all of it here from now on. These are my stories of inaudible kind. The fruits of my boredom. The fruits of my listlessness at the moment. The fruits of my ennui.
Looking back from the person I was last year, I see myself as an entirely different person now, and amidst all the things that happened to me this year I’m still thankful. I’m grateful for where I am right now, Thankful for all the people I’m already with and still with. I’m thankful that this year made me see who to let go and who to hold on to and who are real and who really faked it from the start. This year was the turning point I have been longing to take but have always been afraid to get over with. And now that I’ve done it, now that I’ve freed myself from everything that’s holding me back from being truly happy, I can say I am so proud of myself.
The best thing that I learned this year was to stand up for myself. When everybody you expect to stand up for you already turned you down, you only have yourself. And I am proud that I finally stood up for ‘ME’, kept strong and encouraged myself to go on even if things and people were pulling me back and pulling me down. It was hard even if I pretended it was so easy and I can never care less. It hurt a lot. But I know that GOD breaks our heart to make us whole again and so I waited. I hurt a lot of people but I realized now that it’s not always evil. It’s not wrong to speak up for yourself once in a while. It’s not wrong to wish yourself happiness especially when you’ve always been wishing and making other people happy. Sometimes your happiness means misery to others and you have to choose if you wish to start your happiness already coz you grew tired making other people happy. I’ve always tried being the good person and I’m not used to hurting people especially those who mattered and those who got used to the kind-hearted and ready-to-lend-a-hand Ariane they knew. But things that were left unsaid piled up and it burst like wild fire. I can never turn it back again, the friendship lost, the relationship gone and everything. I’ve always known this would happen. I already saw it coming. It was my fault that I ignored it until it came rushing, slapping at my face. It still hurts when I think about friends that will never be the same again. People I won’t be with anymore. But I still keep strong. Everything will fall into its right place just like it slowly did a few months ago.
I’m thankful for all the people who came to my life this year; for making this year a wonderful and memorable one. I’m thankful for all the blessings and peace that God bestowed in me and my family. I’m thankful that I became stronger and ready for a whole new chapter in my life. No more hesitation to reach out to people who have always mattered. No grudges held back anymore. It was a HAPPY 2011 after all And I’m already claiming that it’ll be a HAPPY 2012 for me. :)
Walk away like a BOSS
my parents get mad at me because I stay in my room all day and only come out for food
they get all excited when I come out like OMG SADIE YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR CAVE and I’m like
I met you and I thought your different. I saw you as a big canvas full of colors and beautifully done. Just there. I knew how and where to look at you. But as we start having this relationship, your picture started to grew blurry spots until the spots grew bigger and started to fade away completely. And you officially became a big puzzle to me. I found my self searching for the missing pieces unconsciously. Everything you said and everything you did is like a part of the puzzle I started to put together. And now, I’m scared of what the new picture will turn out to be.
